This is a story called “Twitching Vulva”

I interviewed Greg Santos of Pax Americana over at MotD.

My big old eBay gimmick is getting more notice. You know you want to bid on it.

Get in on this crazy contest before time runs out.

Sex.

This is a story called “Twitching Vulva”

I cannot, for even an instant, believe that my existence has any meaning. Useless is the word I keep reaching for when people ask about me (which no one ever does; why would they?). I’m drinking cheaper and cheaper whisky.

My skin doesn’t seem to fit correctly. I am willing to donate my skin to charity, but the ACLU and the ASPCA both turned me down.

Dick Cheney’s daughter has no interest in dick. I wonder how Dick feels about dick. Maybe he has a wide stance. I can’t say for sure.

Canada is a nice country, but their whiskey sucks. The Scots make the best whisky. American whiskey from Kentucky comes second, followed by Tennessee whiskey, then Irish whiskey, then something I haven’t had, then an abyss of nothing, then the whiskey made by the underground dwellers of Og, then Canadian whiskey. All apologies to the Canadians. They have health care down, but know nothing of whiskey.

Golf makes me despair for the future of mankind.

This is a story called “Funky Chicken Sex”

I hate that scene in The Godfather Part II where Mo Green gets shot through the eye. Eyes creep me out.

We are still living off a generator. Scammon looks like a war zone. The city pool was destroyed. The pool house actually. I think that building was built by the WPA, but the storm ripped the roof off and knocked down a wall.

My uncle’s roof is hanging in the trees.

This sucks.

This is a story called “I want to eBay my soul”

People think that I suck because I’m willing to pull a dumb gimmick to promote myself. Fuck them. Life is meaningless, and I want to earn enough money by writing and related shit so that I can stop watching my eyes go dead in a cubicle. Like you wouldn’t sell your dignity for that.

Some people like what I’m doing.

Chicks dig me.

My toe is turning black. If it falls off, I will put it on eBay. Take that.

P.H. Madore says that I write Madore fan fiction. He may be write. I want someone to write Tyree fan fiction. If anyone wants to write shit based on Mr. Overby is Falling or Stygiophilia (or anything else I wrote) they should go right ahead. If they post it on-line I will pimp it madly. I will tell people to read it. I will love the author. There could be sexual favors involved.

This is a story called “Half Dead Me”

Guess which half.

On a serious note:

Anyone watching my eBay auction should know that I will offer a refund to the buyer under certain circumstances (which we can discuss via email).

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